Welp. Ain’t this a kick in the head? Oxymoronic perhaps. Yep, all that we ever had was exactly what we always wanted and what we need now is exactly what we never had. Enter the spin…
Let me be real clear here. I do not (repeat, do not) fully understand the state of the world right now. I deeply bow to people far smarter than me in many regards during this very intriguing demand on our world & lives. But, per usual, I have a quip or two.
There is so much we can get to know right now. And none of it is unprecedented. We made our intellectual, physical & emotional beds a long time ago. Believe me, I am laying in mine.
The world is in constant motion, despite our never-ending and desperate grip to maintain its crazy cadence (oxy & moronic again). A virus pandemic to be taken seriously, yes. The real fear – though and I think — is the reality of facing ourselves. No wonder we are all in a panic.
We had grown accustomed to two-click conversations and shorthand stories, short-of-ourselves. We had become full-to-the-beast of our ugly and brilliant egos to remain distracted and scheduled and quick-with-answers. This was the pace that had been set. It had been the norm, and without it, we are discovering ourselves lost and wandering within the silence.
This virus we are all fighting has been our dormant destiny, and the pressure that we feel against our chests and late-into-the-night is showing-up masked; it hides itself as a need to remedy the unknowns and to relieve intense stress and pain from ourselves and those who we love so dearly and deeply. But the real squeeze had already been resting around our minds, bodies and hearts; its newly found strength does not have to suffocate us. With some wisdom and courage, we can see what is really going on here and can learn how to breathe again.
Here is what is going on with me…
I have made quite the life of being alone – the kind that people tilt their head at. They question the intensity to which I meditate, the extent to which I remain silent and the frequency to which I walk alone in the middle of the night. This has been my output for quite some time. What I had not fully recognized, however, was the input that was active on the other side of me. The strength of my isolation had always been balanced with prevalent and repetitive connectivity. And now, under this new light and circumstances, my previous life equation feels unresolved and unbalanced…
busyness + a need to be needed + tasks + deadlines + clarity + outings + gyms + routines + happy hours + hugs + high fives + perceived freedom =
an ability to create, to be peaceful, to be grounded, to disconnect, to be silent, to be alone.
The things that had always added up now feel deconstructed. So here I am, a person deemed a deep & quiet introvert, struggling in the midst of seemingly getting what I have always wanted and needed. There is something for me to learn and to develop within myself if I can deconstruct the worry, the fear and the sadness that literally feels like its coming in waves against my intellect and intuition. If I can hold the patience to reconstruct this at a deeper and far more integrated level, I just might be able to note the allegory the world is writing for me, and for all of us, right now.
Your life equations likely look and feel different than mine, but I am guessing they, too, have been disrupted. It might be worth a thought, a recalculation. The moment we think we have it figured out, will very likely be the moment we don’t. But, that might be right where our solution (a.k.a peace) lies.