Love, Billy (2)

I remember the avoided call – the one he knew not to answer.  My syllables would challenge his plan.

He knew I would tell him how much I loved him, how much I missed him and how I couldn’t wait to come visit California-coast-style the following week.  His plan wouldn’t know what to do with my unwavering friendship and excitement for riding shotgun in his red convertible with sun on my face, wind in my hair, Gwen Stefani in my dance moves…

I remember the accepted call – the one I knew to answer.  His plan would challenge my syllables.

I knew he would have told me how much he loved me, how much he missed me and how he couldn’t wait for me to come visit California-coast-style the following week.  My plan wouldn’t know what to do with his unstoppable guilt and fear for not riding driver-side in his red convertible with sun on my face, wind in my hair, Gwen Stefani in my dance moves…

His mom’s voice would meet me on the other side of the line, instead.

I cancelled my flight, unpacked my bags and began missing you. 

I have missed you every single day since June 5, 2005.

Your life will always be worth every moment of my own.  You give me all the reasons to double down on love — with sun on my face, wind in my hair and Gwen Stefani in my dance moves.

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2 Comments

  1. The repetition in this piece shows the tangled mess that weaves love and hate, dance and dread, life and death. Such a beautiful soul; I know him better because you write him so well.

    Like

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